I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
