i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
