Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
