alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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