My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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