new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No subtext here. People are naked.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
