OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
