Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
