she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
