respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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