i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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