Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize