i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
In other news, I just burned my penis
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize