Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
