I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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