I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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