I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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