Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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