Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize