quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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