So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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