sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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