Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
