You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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