I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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