i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
