I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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