Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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