She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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