I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
