wrigley field is MILF paradise
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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