he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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