What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
