i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
