Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
