she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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