she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
