You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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