yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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