Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
