i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
