Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
