If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
