we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
