high people should be assigned attendants
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
