Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
