he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
