Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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