when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
