After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
