I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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