I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
