I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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