went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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