I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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