Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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