mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm at about main and main street
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
