whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
