Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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