i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
