a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
