whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
