He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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