I just saw a hot homeless man
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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