spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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